Qwark musical

Qwark, shooting Amoeboids as part of his musical

Qwark's musical, sometimes called Qwark's opera, was an opera which Qwark sang on Venantonio. He sang it in order to tell Barney how he saved a town in the Canals. Qwark actually did not save the town. There were Amoeboids in the crowd.



"Let me tell you how it all went down: I was hired to save this little town. They were needing someone of great might, so for a fee I put up a big fight."

"Here's the first verse how I saved everyone from being food for the Clam dudes. They were trying to sink the city; I jumped in to save the day. I swam right under it and plugged the leak, with just my left butt cheek. I turned the tables on the Giant Clams, cracking their heads, with fists of lead. They were no match for my rugged brawn and my wit as sharp as steel. And now the townsfolk know oysters taste nice, with just a little spice."

"Long, long ago some Sea Lemurs had been, flushed down the loo, along with poo. They made the sewers of the town their home, plotting revenge on the city. They felt the time was ripe to stage their coup, but I knew what to do. Using my wit I thought of a great plan - get them all jobs, like average slobs. They were not too keen on my idea, so that they pulled tridents on me. I aimed my giant gun and mowed them down. That's how I saved the town."

"Next thing you know, some aliens attack. Little green guys, filling the skies. Citizens got scared and ran away, but I told them not to fear. I'll use my laser eyes to shoot them down and save your little town. It was not long until they all were dead. Alien meat littered the street. Actually, it was quite a mess, innards everywhere you looked. I guess in retrospect, I probably, should refund half my fee."

Secret Agent Clank Music Venantonio Madam Butterqwark The Qwark Opera07:35

Secret Agent Clank Music Venantonio Madam Butterqwark The Qwark Opera

Qwark's musical

"Perhaps you've heard of the Chaos Theory? Butterfly things flapping their wings cause a typhoon halfway 'round the world. That just makes no sense to me. I squashed that butterfly and nothing changed. Do you think that is strange? Unless you count, Giant Mama Butterfly showed up annoyed, bent to destroy. It was really not that hard to kill. I just ripped apart its wings. So next time, it should think before it acts. That's not theory, it's fact."

"Up from the depths there came an ocean god. Horrific beast wanting a feast. It wanted a virgin sacrifice, but I just could not oblige. I'm not one to boast, but let's just say I kissed a girl one day. So I decided to turn on the charm, Flirt with the god - flexing my bod. Then as it came in close for a kiss, it closed all eight of its eyes. I thrust my giant sword into its head, and now the god is dead."

Cut verses

"When it was time for my hero parade, a nasty brute, wearing a suit, who was representing those I'd slain, served a civil suit to me. He said I have to pay Attorney's fees, for all their families. Having no recourse but to rectify the legal case and save some face, I decided there was just one way I could save myself some grief. As I pretended to sign, the fat check, I snapped his scrawny neck."

"When it was done, the town was not too thrilled. With the big mess and my giant bill. They said I should stay and mop the floor, but I told them my contract states: caveat emptor."[1]

Behind the scenes

  • The classical music used as the background for the musical is Carmen Overture by Bizet.


Notes and references

  1. "Caveat emptor" is Latin for: "Let the buyer beware."

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